1 day at a time

The art of waiting. It’s something I have never been very good at. I think it’s the lack of control. I am by nature a planner. I love a good spreadsheet and I like to control the things I can.

Generally speaking, in life, when I have wanted something, I have worked out a plan for how I will achieve/get it, put in the hard work to make it happen, and then almost before I can rest on my laurels from the previous achievement, I have looked to what it is I want to achieve next. It’s not that I’m not happy with what I have. I am extremely content, but I know in this life most good things don’t come to you, and anything worth having is worth working and sacrificing for. I think this mind set is fairly common amongst our friends and family. Perhaps this is why the decision to pursue IVF has been mostly supported by this group – they too see the sacrifice is more than worth it, as in fact a privilege to be able to pursue the opportunity.

So we are waiting to find out whether we have been successful, or if we need to reassess. At least the waiting at this part of the process is more like days than weeks (6 days until test 1, and 10 days until test 2 – both test are required for a conclusive answer), but I am finding even in these days it is hard for me not to think about the future. For me not to work out a plan of attack for either conclusion. Especially when planning used to be a distraction technique – but when the thing I need to be distracted from affects my planning, I need a new system.

I’m currently planning changes to our gardens, much to my husband’s despair as he is usually the gardener and I am simultaneously encroaching on his turf and giving him more jobs! Lucky he is so understanding.

So with gardening, talking and writing and my therapy, I endeavour to fight my natural instinct to plan and take 1 day at a time.