Managing expectations

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It’s funny to look back on how we expected things to be and what the reality is. I’m all about managing expectations, and at some stages in my life I have felt like this has made me seem pessimistic. I remember my mum telling me after it had been 12 months of not getting pregnant that I simply needed to believe it would happen and it would.

The thing is that I am an advocate for this. And I like to think I would be able to ‘will’ myself pregnant. But the reality was that when I spent a month being positive about it happening, the inevitable women’s week hit me harder than ever.

In hindsight – yes, that great friend hindsight, who helps teach us something that we already learnt the hard way – willing myself to get pregnant would have been a miracle in more ways than one.

So I spent the last 2 rollercoaster weeks believing that I would spend these few days (between having the eggs taken out, and then having (fingers crossed) a fertilised egg put back in 5 days later) care free with an attitude of ‘I did my bit’; basically relaxing as I left it all up to fate. Instead I am finding myself sore and doing anything I can to keep busy, since leaving things up to fate feels like waiting for a jury.

In an attempt to keep positive my inner voice is reminding me I did everything right, its repeating the fact that we are good people and deserve success, and I’m reassuring myself that if we don’t succeed, I will simply do it all again, as it’s no big deal (yes, delusional).

I am now wondering how I will be from Sunday for the few weeks until we are certain the egg is implanted. Who knows, I will aim to stay positive, as someone smart told me there is a chemical change in our hormones when we are stressed or worried. I don’t want to mess with the fine balance that mother nature and the plethora of injections and pessaries have provided me by adding stress!

Positive self-talk, I’m coming for you. I want to be this guy!