Emotional Awareness

Post our first drug collect appointment:

This has been the most overwhelming and intimidating to date. The whole appointment I was chanting internally “I can do this, hold it together” as the nonchalant nurse talk about the process, the drugs, the injecting and the options as though I was thick. I understand it’s just her job and she probably does this a million times a day. It’s the first time that I have wondered if I am strong enough to deal with the emotional fall out of it all.

Even with the amazing support of my husband and our families, I was left worrying that if things go tits up, how will I react and cope. I know it’s no use worrying about what could happen, but I want to prepare myself in case things don’t go well. I want to feel like I can handle it and wont spin off the deep end.

The uncertainty of how I will cope is a new feeling for me. I never before doubted my reaction, I just went with it. It did get me wondering. Do people who have to go through rounds and rounds of this become use to it and resistant to the emotional and physical process? Is emotional resistance a learned behaviour? Or is it just about being self-aware?

#support #emotional #worry #uncertainty #selfdoubt #awareness